Nadine's Testimony - Belonging

Have you ever felt you didn’t belong? Or even that you don’t fit in your life? I have. I’ve made so many mistakes in my life, wished for do-overs, Mulligans, second, third and fourth chances; I’ve even wished I could win the lottery so that I could step out of my life and start over. So many times, I’ve felt like I don’t belong. I just wanted to belong to someone who was stronger than I am, to belong so that nothing I do can wreck that relationship.

I became a Christian when I was six, but it wasn’t until I was a teenager that I really met God. I asked Jesus into my heart because I was scared of the consequences of my sin – my disobedience. God was my “get out of jail free” card; He was my Saviour. Camp and youth group were both places I spent time getting to know God, when He started to become my Lord. I still didn’t feel like I belonged, even to God. And then, when I was sixteen, my Dad died. And I suddenly found myself in the category of “someone whose parent has died” – and I didn’t know how to fit there either. During high school, I played volleyball and then basketball, and I was in drama and I made the honour roll…I look back and I realize how fortunate I was, how many gifts God’s given me and skills I’ve learned, and I think how odd it was that I still felt like I didn’t make the grade, how I was inadequate. Or maybe it’s not odd. Even though I was searching, God wasn’t the most important person in my life.

I learned a lot during my twenties and thirties, how to accept myself and my mistakes, how knowing God is the privilege of all of us who chose Him, how God has made no “super Christians” – we get to chose how obedient we are to Him. I attended Bible College, and I’m glad I did. Besides meeting my husband there, I learned so much, not the least of which is that even the people I would think would be the most spiritual are just like everyone else – they need God.

I have discovered that I am an intense person – dramatic, very competitive, opinionated (yes, I have things on which I still need to work) and I don’t need to hide that from God. While I still have a sinful nature and I make mistakes all the time, I want to know God. He’s is more than any relationship I’ve ever experienced, and I want that. God is the answer to the meaning of life, and He doesn't disappoint. It's not just because God is shaping me into a person I never thought I could be, but it's because He's the God we all need. Think about it...where you have a need, God is the answer.

I figured out where I belong. And God's better than I hoped.

Nadine